Kristen and I are preparing to send our third child off to Kindergarten. On Tuesday, Harper makes the move from being home all day to being at school all day. Being the third one to do so, you'd think this transition process would be easy for us...
Not even close.
Sure, physically Kristen and I are prepared for Harper to begin Kindergarten. She has her backpack, we went to open house, we've discussed how much fun it will be, we've talked about the bus rides, we've talked about lunches (Minnesota has all-day Kindergarten now; new this year), and she has a super cute closet of clothes.
The problem is that emotionally, we are a mess!
I thought it would get easier and easier to send our children off to Kindergarten on their first day. We'd go with to the bus stop, take a few pictures, wave at them as they walk onto the bus, and head back home. The process would become routine and we'd instead be thinking that we're getting that much closer to having no children home during the day and then I can take a day off and spend it alone with my wife! But, we don't think that way. Instead, we keep thinking that our little babies are growing up so quickly that now we have to send another one to school.
Gone will be the days of at-home silliness with a toddler and preschooler. Gone will be the days of having some quiet time with the younger ones as the older ones are learning at school. (I was laid off for 8 months last year, so I got to enjoy this too). Of course, this isn't entirely true as we have a newborn and we'll have those days at home again.
When I really think about it, I don't think the problem is that Kristen and I have a harder time letting go of our children the further down the line they go. I think what's really happening is that Kristen and I have matured so much in the past 7 years as parents that we form better and healthier bonds with our children. There's always that "trial and error" idea that goes along with the first two children, but by the third you know what to expect. By the fourth you really know what to expect. And by the fifth, well, now it's all done out of habit.
Of course, that isn't entirely true either as each child is a little bit different than the others and they can't all be dealt with 100% the same. You have to tweak your approach to match the child. However, I don't really know why we struggle to apply that same concept to watching them prepare for their first day of Kindergarten.
Maybe it's that we're getting older and it's harder to send your children off because you don't have those silly 20-something desires to be without children. I'll admit it, and I'm sure many readers would admit it to themselves, that as I entered my 30s, my view of having children in the house changed with each passing year. I began to love it more and more and more. It has nothing to do with the love you have for your children, but rather everything to do with how you view your world with your children in it. This means you see your weekends as what you can do with the kids, rather than what you can do without them. You see vacations as family vacations, not getaways for two. You start to spend more money on your children and your family and less money on yourself. You do fewer selfish deeds and many more selfless ones.
So at 36, when I think about our children, I think about the fun times we have at home; the silly times when we're running around for no reason at all; the board games we get to play; the stories we get to create; the pictures we get to color; the messes we get to pick up; the books we get to read. Now I have to think about my little girl (she's not little anymore, she's a big 5-year old and I'm so proud of what she's able to do at such a young age) going to school and me not being able to do those things with her during the week. Those times will only be on the weekends. So what's wrong with that?
I don't know about you, but for us, weekends are extremely busy.
Yes I'll have the weekends and evenings to spend with my new Kindergartener, but it's just not the same. She'll either have so much to say when she gets home that she'll only want to tell us about her day or maybe she'll be too tired or maybe she'll get homework (starting in 1st grade).
So what is it I'm not emotionally prepared for (and maybe Kristen too)? Letting my little girl grow up.
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