It's a bit funny to me how the past 18 years have changed from Christmas to Christmas when children are added, and additional children are added. When you first begin having children, everyone is clambering to spend time with your new bundle of joy during the holiday season. When you have your second one, people still want to see your new little one, but some of the excitement has worn off. When your third one comes along, it's almost as if your children are simply an extension of you and everyone just wants to see "the family". By the time child #6 comes along, everyone has lost interest and moved on to the next sibling in the family having children.
There's little Christmas excitement with baby #6 outside of the family because everyone has already experienced that baby's first Christmas excitement with you, but now it seems like little more than an old habit. "Yep, we've done that and gotten that before." For the parents of baby #6, things change in the complete opposite direction.
When you're a parent of more than two children, there are new difficulties you get to experience with each new child. When you have two young ones, as in before Kindergarten, it's easy to pull the wool over their eyes and you can literally buy every single Christmas gift right in front of their eyes and they'll forget about it merely days later (sometimes later that day). Or, you can do like Kristen and I and hide everything beneath your jackets. "What giant pile of stuff beneath our jackets?"
When Harper came along, Riannah was too smart to have the wool pulled over her eyes. Now we had to start getting smart and shop during optimal time frames when Riannah wasn't around. Not that difficult, and it's even easy enough to just split the party while at the mall.
When Willow came along, Riannah and Nolan were too smart to have the wool pulled over their eyes, and we had to start shopping in shifts. However, there was one more wrench thrown in there: the kids like to pick out gifts for each other. Now we had to juggle times for allowing the kids to go with one of us to pick out gifts for their siblings.
Now that Isla has entered our family, we've created this chaotic web of present shopping that can make anyone go crazy. I took the four girls out for lunch and shopping today while Kristen took Nolan out for lunch and shopping. We were able to get gifts for Kristen and Nolan, but not Harper, Willow, and Riannah. At the same time, Kristen and Nolan picked out gifts for us, but nothing for me from the girls.
You can see the chaotic web forming.
The addition of more children creates more opportunities we have to create so that each one can pick out presents for their siblings and us parents. I'm sure someone can do the math to figure out how many trips to the mall or Target that requires, but I'm not going to bother. All I know is that it amounts to a lot of trips, and we've only knocked out a couple. There isn't really time during the week, so that only leaves the weekends. And if you look at the calendar, there aren't that many weekends left before Christmas comes around.
At least the kids enjoy picking out gifts for their siblings as it makes those many shopping trips that much more enjoyable. And it gives us an excuse to go to the store without the entire crew in tow.
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Sunday, November 23, 2014
As Stubborn as a 4-Year Old
You've heard the old saying, "as stubborn as a mule." Well, I'd like to add a new one; "as stubborn as a 4-year old." With our fourth child being 3-years old, I'm realizing that all children seem to go through this extreme stubbornness that develops when they're 3, blossoms when they're 4, and begins to fade when they're 5. Not that it truly goes away, but it seems to peak at the age of 4. Lucky us; we have two more children that will go through the 4-year old stubbornness.
Sometimes I find myself becoming quite frustrated with the bouts of extreme stubbornness. This makes those occasions difficult to overcome without letting your child's behavior get the best of you, but sometimes it gets to a point where you literally don't know what to do without giving in. This could be something as simple as "pick up your toys please" resulting with the "no, you do it" response. This can go on for hours as this behavior doesn't relent regarding that particular situation. You could finally give in and just pick up after your child, or make sure they understand how you don't appreciate the behavior.
I'm going to say this quite plainly; the former decision, if it's the regular decision, will only lead to a life of misery as the child gets older. They will become more defiant because they know that their defiance leads to you giving in.
The latter decision, while harder to deal with, can lead to that fading of the stubbornness when your child reaches the age of 5. Enforce some type of penalty (for us it's the loss of today's reward chart sticker and the loss of dessert) so that your child knows that behavior is not acceptable and you won't relent.
It's been stated in many sources that when children reach 3 / 4, they begin testing their parents. Stubbornness is one of those wonderful tests. This is what we're dealing with when it comes to Willow. She too is on the really awesome reward chart and she too can lose her sticker that day. This way, she knows there's no reward for her that day when she behaves that way. She also learns that Kristen and I are not push-overs and we don't tolerate this type of behavior in terms of "okay, I'll just do it for you then." Nope; not I. I love my children to death, but there's no way in hell I'm going to give in to their ridiculous behavior, no matter how much their pouting makes me giggle.
Five minutes of holding your grounds while your children are in that 3-5 range makes for weeks and weeks of not having to deal with it when they get older. That's how I see it.
Sometimes I find myself becoming quite frustrated with the bouts of extreme stubbornness. This makes those occasions difficult to overcome without letting your child's behavior get the best of you, but sometimes it gets to a point where you literally don't know what to do without giving in. This could be something as simple as "pick up your toys please" resulting with the "no, you do it" response. This can go on for hours as this behavior doesn't relent regarding that particular situation. You could finally give in and just pick up after your child, or make sure they understand how you don't appreciate the behavior.
I'm going to say this quite plainly; the former decision, if it's the regular decision, will only lead to a life of misery as the child gets older. They will become more defiant because they know that their defiance leads to you giving in.
The latter decision, while harder to deal with, can lead to that fading of the stubbornness when your child reaches the age of 5. Enforce some type of penalty (for us it's the loss of today's reward chart sticker and the loss of dessert) so that your child knows that behavior is not acceptable and you won't relent.
It's been stated in many sources that when children reach 3 / 4, they begin testing their parents. Stubbornness is one of those wonderful tests. This is what we're dealing with when it comes to Willow. She too is on the really awesome reward chart and she too can lose her sticker that day. This way, she knows there's no reward for her that day when she behaves that way. She also learns that Kristen and I are not push-overs and we don't tolerate this type of behavior in terms of "okay, I'll just do it for you then." Nope; not I. I love my children to death, but there's no way in hell I'm going to give in to their ridiculous behavior, no matter how much their pouting makes me giggle.
Five minutes of holding your grounds while your children are in that 3-5 range makes for weeks and weeks of not having to deal with it when they get older. That's how I see it.
Sunday, November 9, 2014
The Many Moods of Children
Don't you just love the sudden mood swings of children? One minute they can be elated and everything's okay. The next minute they're sulking and refuse to do whatever it is that you're asking them to do.
One of the most difficult things about parenting is dealing with split-second mood changes; and I do mean split-second. Our children can be running around laughing and giggling, and then all of a sudden one of them is screaming at the other one to stop. Uh... what? Weren't the two of you just playing merrily?
This morning we had a bit of an incident when it comes to sudden mood changes. I was getting breakfast ready for Harper and Willow, and both girls were excited to be sitting down at the table and eating their waffles, cut into strips of course. Willow decided to grab all the place mats and set them all out on the table, even though they weren't needed. This didn't jive well with Harper. Harper went from excited for breakfast to angry at Willow for setting out place mats that weren't needed (or maybe she was mad because Willow was doing it and she wasn't... I honestly don't really know).
This escalated into me having to stop Harper from being a bit mean to Willow about the place mats, which consisted of taking them off the table and yelling at Willow. This then continued to escalate into me having to tell Harper to just stay out of the kitchen until her breakfast was ready. She decided that her mood was going to continue to sour and listening to me was no longer an option. Then I brought her upstairs and put her in her room for a time out for not listening and being rude to her sister. This time she listened, but that's when her mood change yet again.
When Harper gets into trouble, and she wasn't really in trouble, she was just being removed from the source of conflict, she shuts down. This is better than the screaming she did for about a month or two, but it's quite awkward at times. When she shuts down, she hides under her bed (she shares a bunk bed with her big sister Riannah). Yet another weird behavior to deal with.
After a couple minutes, I went back upstairs and opened her door, informing Harper that she could come downstairs whenever she was ready, knowing that she'd be hiding under her bed (this is her new way of dealing with situations, like this, when she gets sent to a timeout). However, instead of doing or usual "metaphorically pry her out from beneath her bed" bit, I let her know she could come downstairs when SHE was ready and left the room with the door open.
I went back downstairs and heard Harper stomp over to her door and close it. I then proceeded to make my breakfast and enjoy it with only Willow at the table. Half an hour later, Harper showed up in the kitchen with a smile and that excitement of eating breakfast had returned (along with redness on her face from crying, but that's okay). Once again, the mood had done a 180-degree turn and things were back to normal. She ate without incident, although she did get an "X" on her reward chart for the behavior (the kids get up to three Xs per day before losing their reward sticker that day that gets applied to their actual reward).
The rest of the day, Harper's behavior kept with her regular happy self and the day was great!
Of course, the same type of mood changes occurred later that day with the older two, but that's another story. All I know is, when I took the time to walk away and let Harper know she could go back to her day when SHE was ready, that seemed much more effective than me trying to metaphorically pry her out from under her bed (I say metaphorically because it's done with words, not actually prying her out from under her bed).
One of the most difficult things about parenting is dealing with split-second mood changes; and I do mean split-second. Our children can be running around laughing and giggling, and then all of a sudden one of them is screaming at the other one to stop. Uh... what? Weren't the two of you just playing merrily?
This morning we had a bit of an incident when it comes to sudden mood changes. I was getting breakfast ready for Harper and Willow, and both girls were excited to be sitting down at the table and eating their waffles, cut into strips of course. Willow decided to grab all the place mats and set them all out on the table, even though they weren't needed. This didn't jive well with Harper. Harper went from excited for breakfast to angry at Willow for setting out place mats that weren't needed (or maybe she was mad because Willow was doing it and she wasn't... I honestly don't really know).
This escalated into me having to stop Harper from being a bit mean to Willow about the place mats, which consisted of taking them off the table and yelling at Willow. This then continued to escalate into me having to tell Harper to just stay out of the kitchen until her breakfast was ready. She decided that her mood was going to continue to sour and listening to me was no longer an option. Then I brought her upstairs and put her in her room for a time out for not listening and being rude to her sister. This time she listened, but that's when her mood change yet again.
When Harper gets into trouble, and she wasn't really in trouble, she was just being removed from the source of conflict, she shuts down. This is better than the screaming she did for about a month or two, but it's quite awkward at times. When she shuts down, she hides under her bed (she shares a bunk bed with her big sister Riannah). Yet another weird behavior to deal with.
After a couple minutes, I went back upstairs and opened her door, informing Harper that she could come downstairs whenever she was ready, knowing that she'd be hiding under her bed (this is her new way of dealing with situations, like this, when she gets sent to a timeout). However, instead of doing or usual "metaphorically pry her out from beneath her bed" bit, I let her know she could come downstairs when SHE was ready and left the room with the door open.
I went back downstairs and heard Harper stomp over to her door and close it. I then proceeded to make my breakfast and enjoy it with only Willow at the table. Half an hour later, Harper showed up in the kitchen with a smile and that excitement of eating breakfast had returned (along with redness on her face from crying, but that's okay). Once again, the mood had done a 180-degree turn and things were back to normal. She ate without incident, although she did get an "X" on her reward chart for the behavior (the kids get up to three Xs per day before losing their reward sticker that day that gets applied to their actual reward).
The rest of the day, Harper's behavior kept with her regular happy self and the day was great!
Of course, the same type of mood changes occurred later that day with the older two, but that's another story. All I know is, when I took the time to walk away and let Harper know she could go back to her day when SHE was ready, that seemed much more effective than me trying to metaphorically pry her out from under her bed (I say metaphorically because it's done with words, not actually prying her out from under her bed).
Sunday, November 2, 2014
Charts Can Be Rewarding!
Like many parents, we often struggle with dealing with childhood behavior and rewarding excellent behavior. For the past 7 years we've tried many different angles, but none of them have worked nearly as well as a simple reward chart. Of course, we've tried several reward charts with Harper, but we decided to go back to the simple one we did 7 years ago.
This reward chart is quite simple; the chart is tracked like a calendar, covering the entire month of November. Each day, the kids (all four of them as it's only fair to include them all) gain the opportunity to be rewarded for their excellent behavior that day. If they break one of the rules listed on the chart (we only have 7 rules in this house), we put an "X" for their name on that day. Each of them are given three opportunities to earn that reward (three strikes and you're out!). If they make it the entire day without getting three "Xs" on the reward chart, they get a sticker. Each sticker is equivalent to $0.50 which they can cash in at some point to get their reward (whatever they choose).
Although I can't really say this method has significantly changed Harper's behavior (because she gets into the 5-year old funk sometimes), it seems to have a great impact on Riannah and Nolan! We've tried a few ways here and there in terms of addressing their behavior, but they were more reactive than proactive (I consider this reward chart to be quite proactive as it establishes a daily goal of good behavior to gain the reward rather than penalizing them for poor behavior). For them, this could be considered as a way of tracking their ability to earn an allowance and ensure they avoid troublesome behavior when it comes to interacting with their younger siblings (or avoiding negative interaction). It definitely fits the bill of reward chart instead of trying to enforce rules and penalizing those that are broken.
When it comes down to it, I can definitely say that we will be doing this again next month, and probably from now on. This seems to work so well and I'm extremely happy with the results. Harper will take a bit more of dealing with on the side, but that's because she's a 5-year old, and not because she needs special treatment. For those who don't have Kindergarten-age children yet, you'll find out what I mean once 4-4 1/2 rolls around. ;)
Yep; reward charts are rewarding from a parenting aspect as much as they are from the children's aspect. I love it, and it really gives me a visual way of seeing our children's good days, bad days, and progressively improved behavior. While it may seem like such a trivial thing to worry about, it seems to make everyone happy and brings down the stress level throughout the house. Which is always a plus as poor behavior can cause undue stress on everyone; even siblings.
This reward chart is quite simple; the chart is tracked like a calendar, covering the entire month of November. Each day, the kids (all four of them as it's only fair to include them all) gain the opportunity to be rewarded for their excellent behavior that day. If they break one of the rules listed on the chart (we only have 7 rules in this house), we put an "X" for their name on that day. Each of them are given three opportunities to earn that reward (three strikes and you're out!). If they make it the entire day without getting three "Xs" on the reward chart, they get a sticker. Each sticker is equivalent to $0.50 which they can cash in at some point to get their reward (whatever they choose).
Although I can't really say this method has significantly changed Harper's behavior (because she gets into the 5-year old funk sometimes), it seems to have a great impact on Riannah and Nolan! We've tried a few ways here and there in terms of addressing their behavior, but they were more reactive than proactive (I consider this reward chart to be quite proactive as it establishes a daily goal of good behavior to gain the reward rather than penalizing them for poor behavior). For them, this could be considered as a way of tracking their ability to earn an allowance and ensure they avoid troublesome behavior when it comes to interacting with their younger siblings (or avoiding negative interaction). It definitely fits the bill of reward chart instead of trying to enforce rules and penalizing those that are broken.
When it comes down to it, I can definitely say that we will be doing this again next month, and probably from now on. This seems to work so well and I'm extremely happy with the results. Harper will take a bit more of dealing with on the side, but that's because she's a 5-year old, and not because she needs special treatment. For those who don't have Kindergarten-age children yet, you'll find out what I mean once 4-4 1/2 rolls around. ;)
Yep; reward charts are rewarding from a parenting aspect as much as they are from the children's aspect. I love it, and it really gives me a visual way of seeing our children's good days, bad days, and progressively improved behavior. While it may seem like such a trivial thing to worry about, it seems to make everyone happy and brings down the stress level throughout the house. Which is always a plus as poor behavior can cause undue stress on everyone; even siblings.
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